7. Reality

Now I might be lucky. I might be fortunate. I might even project some sort of supernatural aura, but trouble rarely follows me.

I made a decision a long time ago that my transition would not compromise what I do in life. Why should it? I've said many times the problem lies with my communities detractors not with me.

I'll use the last few weeks as an example.

2 medical appointments. HRT review and the lady who undertook it was excellent and got why I was there. We even discussed the alternatives of oestrogen application....gel rubbed in or patches....I'm in the latter camp...stick and forget.

The second was a body MOT on the NHS. Bloods checked, weighed and pressure taken. Unbelievably I was misgendered followed by an immediate apology. Disappointing for an organisation I work with and one I know tries really hard to be inclusive.

Then followed two consecutive nights out hard partying!!

They couldn't be more different. Manchester Village which I find an amazing night out. Friendly, accepting and importantly very safe. Even a few "straight" bars en route were entirely uneventful as was the trek back to the station and on the train I met a lovely young lady who chatted to me traveling home.

The following week was a night out in Warrington with friends. There is no gay quarter at all so it's a whole night of mixing it with the general population so to speak. Again issue free and had a fantastic night.

These nights were the norm including visiting the appropriate toilets all entirely without incident. Amazing that when if you read some press I'm the devil in disguise planning to use my chromosomes to cause carnage.

Now I accept my experience isn't universal but I go about my daily life with pride in who I am and with no adjustments planned generally.

That's not that I'm not aware of the challenges and risks. 

I've developed a sixth sense of threats and assessment of them.

Yes it's like radar. I'm constantly surreptitiously checking people and instantly evaluating the threats. I don't stereotype or presume. Everyone gets looked at, considered and options / actions assessed and acted upon in a nanosecond. It's a hard earned and practiced skill designed to keep me safe.

Little inflections or glances are tell tales of the need for further analysis or discounting.

This is what gives me the confidence to live my life as I do. It makes my life achievable but at the same time there are places I avoid.

Should I need to do this? No way José. However the world is far from safe for my ilk so precautions are essential.

So if you are ever out with me (and you are always welcome to join me) and you see me perhaps not paying full attention...I apologise but at the same time I ask after reading the above, trust you understand why.

Whatever challenges the world puts in my way, I'm determined that there is a solution which will either help me or not stop me.

I hope you find your way to live your life...

Amanda xx

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